My favorite part of tailgating isn’t the booze or the food — it’s how easy it is to tip over drunk people as they urinate in public.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast
Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast iron frying pan in my hand I have an overwhelming urge to clobber some man over the head with it.
-
I wonder if the markings on a panda’s coat correspond to white and dark meat.
I wonder if the markings on a panda’s coat correspond to white and dark meat.
-
I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire
I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire tattoo — until I realized it wasn’t a tattoo.
-
If you try to hand a woman something that’s enclosed in your fist, she’ll always think
If you try to hand a woman something that’s enclosed in your fist, she’ll always think you’re about to hand her a bug. Even if you’ve known her for years and never tried to give her a bug before. They never let their guard down when it comes to being handed a bug.
-
I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in
I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in a single season. It was 30 years ago, but it still stands as the T-ball record.
-
Women are so fickle.
Women are so fickle. My wife she told me that we should live every day like it’s our last, then she complains about how I spend every day smoking crack and banging her sister.
-
Whoever said “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual” obviously never purchased
Whoever said “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual” obviously never purchased one on the Internet.
-
A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an
A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an hour-and-a-half. A good meeting is when they also bring donuts.
-
If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard
If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard Cunningham will soon be dispensing pearls of heavenly sitcom wisdom to *anyone* from the cast of “Jersey Shore.”
