Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Hypnotize a Cat

    Cats aren’t so damn superior. Heck, you can easily hypnotize one by dangling a shiny object in front of its eyes and giving it tuna… giving it tuna… must give the cat some tuna….

  • Deluxe Magic Hat

    My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.

  • Mr. Insurance Duck

    I’m confused by those ads where a duck is trying to sell people disability insurance by quacking, “AFLAC!” at them. If instead he just yelled, “Duck!” I bet most debilitating injuries could be avoided altogether. I’m on to your scam, Mr. Insurance Duck!

  • Football in the Background

    I was a cameraman in Dallas for three years before I realized that they have a football game in the background of all those cheerleader performances.

  • Two-Hit Obscurity

    The only music groups more obscure than the one-hit wonders were those unfortunate enough to have only two hits, thereby keeping them out of any category worth remembering.

  • Arrest a Mime

    If I were a cop, I’d look for an excuse to arrest a mime just so I could tell them they had the right to remain silent.

  • Take Something for My Kleptomania

    I thought about trying to take something for my kleptomania, but that sort of defeats the purpose, then, doesn’t it?

  • Scientists Can Clone Sheep

    I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.

  • Miced Onions

    It’s a good idea to pay close attention to the recipe when you cook. That way you won’t spend a whole day looking for miced onions.