What do you call a stolen Tesla?
An Edison.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Same Middle Name
What do Winnie the Pooh, Alexander the Great, and Andre the Giant all have in common?
Same middle name.
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My Wife Likes Me
LADE HERSELF @ThebigLade
Men truly don’t realize when a woman has a crush on them, do they??
SilverFox @dantwodaughters · 3h
I don’t even know if my wife likes me.
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The Man on the Island
A cruise ship sails past a small island in the ocean, where a bearded man is shouting something while frantically waving his arms.
“Who is that?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I have no idea. Every year, when we pass by here, he goes crazy in exactly the same way.”
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Refuse to Work Sundaes
I quit my job at the ice cream factory.
I refuse to work sundaes.
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Soft Tissue Damage
I just had a stack of toilet paper rolls fall on me in the supermarket.
It’s OK, though. Just some soft tissue damage.
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Mucho
I try to say ‘mucho’ when I am around my Hispanic friends.
It means a lot to them.
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The Kia vs. the Rolls-Royce
A man driving a Kia stops at a traffic light next to a Rolls-Royce.
The Kia driver rolls down his window and calls out to the Rolls-Royce driver, “Hey, pal, that’s an impressive car. Does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!”
The Rolls-Royce driver replies, “Yes, it has Wi-Fi.”
The Kia driver continues, “Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, “Yes, there’s a refrigerator.”
Not backing down, the Kia driver asks, “That’s cool, man! What about a TV? I’ve got a TV in my Kia’s backseat!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, increasingly annoyed, says, “Yes, there’s a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!”
The Kia driver says, “Amazing car! But do you have a bed in there? I’ve got a bed in the back of my Kia!”
Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls-Royce driver speeds off. He heads straight to the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It’s undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce.
The Rolls-Royce driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia. Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first, there’s no response, but then the owner pokes his head out, dripping wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls-Royce driver declares smugly.
The Kia driver replies, “Did you really drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!”
