Jon @ArfMeasures
Me *swallowing 4th wet t-shirt* this contest is hard
11:15 AM – 31 May 19 – Twitter for Android
2,711 Retweets 20K Likes
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Moo-spaper
How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moo-spaper.
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Strongest Days
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
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Weekend Immune System
I only seem to get sick on weekdays.
I must have a weekend immune system.
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Disgruntled Employee
For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.
The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.
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In a Nutshell
Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
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They Were Wright
About a hundred years ago a couple brothers said they could fly.
They were Wright.
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Violins
Did you know that the string section of an orchestra is the most dangerous?
It’s because of all the violins.
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A Stolen Car
Two police officers stood beside a man who was bitterly crying.
“Wow,” said one police officer, “he must have really loved that car.”
“Not really,” said the other police officer. “It was five years old but fully insured. He’s crying because he just filled his gas tank.”
