What’s faster than an escalator?
An escasooner.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Long Time — We’re Buildin’ a Garage
A couple of rednecks pull into a lumberyard. One goes in and asks the clerk for some four-by-twos.
“You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks.
The redneck says, “I’ll go check.”
He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later.
“Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk.
“All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?”
“Just a minute,” says the redneck, and heads back out to the car.
A minute later he comes back and says, “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”
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All of the seats were already taken
Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs’ conference.
Needless to say, all of the seats were already taken. -
No, It Has to Be the Bull
A politician was touring his rural constituency in his shiny Range Rover, press in tow, visiting farmers, showing his face, and trying to come across as a man of the people.
He suddenly found the narrow country lane blocked by a bull being led by a small girl with a rope through its nose ring.
As the girl tugged at the aggravated bull’s rope, the politician got out to see how he could be of assistance.
With the press looking on, he approached the girl and asked, “Young lady, just what are you doing with such a large, dangerous animal on the public road?”
“This old bull?” says the girl. “I’m taking him down to the neighbors’ place to service one of their cows.”
“Shouldn’t your father be doing that?” asks the politician.
“Oh no…” says the girl. “It has to be the bull.”
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You Can Start Right Away
A campaigning politician was driving through the countryside, meeting his constituents.
As he passed a farmhouse, he struck and killed a rooster in the road.
He told the farmer, “Sorry, but I’ve run over your rooster.”
Reaching for his wallet, he added, “I’d very much like to replace him, of course.”
The farmer said, “Fine. You can start right away — the chickens are out back.”
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She gave me permission
My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.
I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.
