Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • If your patio cushions were getting wet

    I bet those thunderstorm relaxation CDs wouldn’t be as restful if you actually lived deep in the rainforest and had to constantly fight off the urge to get up and check if your patio furniture cushions were getting wet.

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • You don’t get any bigger than that

    If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!

  • Scaring the crap out of the passengers

    It was in 1875 that my great-great-grandmother Elsa began appearing on stages throughout the Old West, and scaring the crap out of the passengers.

  • Help me out here

    It’s really cool when you and your girlfriend finish each other’s sentences. It sucks, though, when you break up and discover you’re no longer capable of speaking in complete… uh… help me out here…

  • Cheese in the nose

    Instead of calling a conclusion that does not follow from the underlying logic a non sequitur, which is Latin for “it does not follow,” I think naming it for the Latin phrase for “cheese in the nose” would have made less, and thus more, sense.

  • All the Different Ways We Can Eat Potatoes

    All the Different Ways We Can Eat Potatoes

    All the Different Ways We Can Eat Potatoes

  • Turns out that is 9:30 pm

    When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 p.m. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.

    Turns out that is 9:30 p.m.

  • Only time would tell

    The frogs looked real. In fact, I was sure they were. But could they play those little musical instruments, especially burdened by that patina of lacquer inhibiting their movement? Only time would tell, and I had all night.

  • CB Lingo 201

    I would think the hardest part of truck-driving school is CB Lingo 201. You know, the second year, where everything you say in class has to be in CB.