Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Bench of Bizarre Disorders

    A sadist, a masochist, a necrophile, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

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    “Let’s have sex with the cat,” says the zoophile.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, and then kill it,” says the murderer.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, and then have sex with it again,” says the necrophile.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again, and then burn it,” says the pyromaniac.

    There was a silence. Then the masochist said, “Meow.”

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  • It was a good trade

    I got a refrigerator for my wife today.
    It was a good trade.

  • Farting in the Fast Lane!

    A woman walks into a car dealership to browse around, not really planning to buy anything. In the showroom, she sees a beautiful convertible with a leather interior. She reaches down to touch the seat and accidentally lets a fart go.

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    To her terror, she looks up and sees a salesman heading her way. Hoping he didn’t hear her, she plays it cool and says, “Excuse me, how much is this car? I’m thinking of purchasing it for my husband.”

    The salesman says, “Lady, if you farted from touching the leather, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

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  • Priests’ Misunderstanding Hits a Dark Note

    A cop pulls over a car with two priests. The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”

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    The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

    “We’ll do it.”

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  • Finding Happiness After Twenty Years Together

    My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
    And then we met.

  • Punchline Abort: A Comedy’s Moral Dilemma

    I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

  • Hold the Ladder: Last Words of Wisdom

    I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me before he died:
    “Are you still holding the ladder?”

  • Grief Lessons: Good Counsel, No Tears

    My grief councillor died last week.

    Luckily for me, though, he was very good at his job, because I really don’t give a shit.

  • Anatomy Class: A Taste for the Unusual

    Some first-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class.

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    They gathered around a table where a real dead body had been placed for study. The professor began by telling them that every good doctor must have two important qualities.

    “The first,” he said, “is that a doctor must never be disgusted by anything in the human body.”

    To demonstrate, he inserted his finger into the dead body’s anus, then put the finger in his mouth and tasted it. He then asked the students to repeat what he had done.

    The students were shocked and hesitated for several minutes, but eventually, one by one, they did the same thing. Each of them inserted a finger into the body’s anus and then tasted it.

    When everyone had finished, they stood there frowning and looking uncomfortable.

    The professor looked at them and smiled. “The second most important quality of a doctor,” he said, “is observation.”

    “I inserted my middle finger,” he continued, “but I tasted my index finger.”

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  • Handshakes: Cannibals’ Party Starter!

    What do cannibals serve at the start of a party?
    Handshakes.