When I was back in college it was thrilling to see a woman’s bra hanging from my doorknob. But now that I’ve been married for more than 20 years, it’s kind of lost its luster. Now it just means the damn door isn’t going to close properly.
Sensitivity: PG-13
Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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If it’s so damned all-loving, why doesn’t the Light get off its lazy ass and come down
If it’s so damned all-loving, why doesn’t the Light get off its lazy ass and come down the tunnel to see *us*?!?
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I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man with only one leg at an ass-kicking
I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man with only one leg at an ass-kicking contest.
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I’ll bet more kids would sign up for the debate team in high school if they only knew
I’ll bet more kids would sign up for the debate team in high school if they only knew how vital it would be in kicking total ASS during lunch-hour pop culture arguments in the Best Buy breakroom someday.
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What you name a product often plays the most important role in determining its success.
What you name a product often plays the most important role in determining its success. I learned this the hard way; while those “Girls Gone Wild” DVDs sell like crazy, my own “Girls Presenting Symptoms of Severe Mental Psychosis” DVDs never sold worth a damn.
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Rusty won’t accept my Facebook friend request.
Rusty won’t accept my Facebook friend request. “Man’s best friend,” my ass!
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I believe you can learn a lot from spending time around small children — assuming you
I believe you can learn a lot from spending time around small children — assuming you don’t already know what a cow says or what the damn wheels on the damn bus do.
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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you shit, flambe that bad boy in a paper bag and leave it on life’s doorstep. That’ll teach the arrogant asshole.
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I don’t like to toot my own horn, but there was no avoiding it when the late-shift crew
I don’t like to toot my own horn, but there was no avoiding it when the late-shift crew at the Johannesburg Taco Bell shoved my vuvuzela up my drunk ass.
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One of my co-workers told me this morning that she felt like shit.
One of my co-workers told me this morning that she felt like shit. Well at least now her feelings match her cologne.
