Tone: cheeky

Cheeky humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Elderly Couple Pulled Over by a Cop From Arkansas

    An elderly couple driving get pulled over by a cop. The woman is behind the wheel, and is a bit hard of hearing.

    The cop: “Ma’am, you were speeding.”

    She turns to her husband: “What? What did he say?”

    He shouts into her ear: “You were speeding!”

    The cop: “Your license, please.”

    Once again, she turns to her husband: “What did he say?”

    He shouts even louder into her ear: “Give him your license!”

    She hands it over.

    The cop looks at it and says: “Oh, you’re from Arkansas. I remember being there once… and having the absolute worst sex of my life.”

    The woman: “What? What did he say?”

    The husband shouts into her ear: “He said he knows you!”

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  • Lawyers Exchanging Sandwiches at a Restaurant

    Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order coffee, and pull out their sandwiches.

    An annoyed waitress rushes over and says, “Excuse me, you can’t eat your own food here!”

    The lawyers look at her, then at each other, and exchange sandwiches.

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  • Injured playing peekaboo

    Last week, I was injured pretty badly playing a game of peekaboo. They had to put me in the ICU.

  • A friend named his dog 5 miles

    A friend of mine named his dog “5 miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles.

    But today he ran over 5 miles.

  • Doctors Orders Mean Burger King

    My doctor just told me that I need to start eating at Burger King.

    Well, he really said that I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he means.

  • Global Warming Icebreaker

    If you are meeting a new group of people and don’t know what to talk about, try mentioning Global Warming.

    It’s a huge Icebreaker.

  • Shortening Robert to Dick

    My friend hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Robert.

  • Vasectomy Consultation Compliment

    The doctor walked in for my vasectomy consultation and said, “Now THIS is what I call a beautiful penis!”

    Then he zipped up his pants and asked me to undress for the exam.

  • Beating Around the Bush at the Brothel

    A man goes to a brothel where they line up 10 naked women for him to choose from at the cost of $1000. Nine are very unattractive to the man, but off to the side he sees the most beautiful young woman who also has the hairiest vagina he has ever seen, but was holding up a $500 sign that said no oral or penetration.

    “What’s the deal with her?” the man asked, still intrigued.

    “With her you can only beat around the bush.”

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  • A Marine, a Boxer, and an MMA Fighter Walk Into a Texas Bar

    A young Marine, a boxer and an MMA fighter walk into a Texas bar.

    The devil dog walks up to the bartender and says “Bartender. How goes it? I’ll have 3 shots of Jack, 3 shots of Henny, 3 shots of bourb, 3 shots of your best rum, and 3 Harps.” The bartender’s eyebrows raise and his eyes widen in shock, and he goes “Look here fellas, now I know y’all are just wanting to have a good night, but I’m telling you now, I don’t want no trouble or rubberneckin’ in my bar once you crayons polish these dranks off.” The Marine looks bewildered at the bartender. Confused; genuinely confounded, and stares for a second before it clicks “Oh, these guys? No worries Bartender, they don’t drink.”

    That’s just the punchline. The real joke is believing a Marine could afford 12 shots, or count up to three.

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