Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Are You Going to Tell Her Daddy

    Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper.

    His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, “That’s it! No honey for you for one month!”

    Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, “No butter for you for one month!”

    Early that evening, Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.

    Johnny’s mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, “Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?”

  • I Am Sorry Youre So Ugly

    Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess: “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”

    His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!”, she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologise to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”

    Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said: “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly”

  • Bacon Roses

    Bacon Roses

    BACON ROSES

    She wants romance, you want a snack. Problem Solved.

  • Where the Hell Is That Monkey

    A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before…”

    So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

    The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can.”

    Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”

    So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

  • Deaf Gang Signs

    Deaf Gang Signs

    Him: I try to talk and she just mumbles and throws up gang signs

    Her: *signals* I’m deaf

  • 458 Days Luggage

    458 Days Luggage

    These people waited 458 days just to get their luggage. Ridiculous

    WE’VE WAITED 458 DAYS FOR THIS MOMENT

  • Pirate Hook

    Pirate Hook

    A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

    “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

    Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

    Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

    Bartender: “Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

    Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really…”

    Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”

    Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”

    Bartender: “You’re kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?”

    Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”

  • Microsoft Office Pun

    Microsoft Office Pun

    Boss: How good are you at Power Point?

    Me: I Excel at it

    Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

    Me: Word

  • Send To Back Bus

    Send To Back Bus

    Cut Copy Paste Change Picture… Group Bring to Front Send to Back Hyperlink… Save as Picture… Size and Position… Send to Back Send Backward

  • Full Groan

    Full Groan

    A PUN HAS NOT COMPLETELY MATURED UNTIL IT IS FULL GROAN