A young lady goes to her professor and says “Sir, I know I’m failing this course, but I really need to pass it, and I’m prepared to do anything to see that I do!”
The professor says, “So, would you-”
“Yes!”
“-be prepared to-”
“YES!!”
“…study?”
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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You Already Own Her Home
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, “I want her home before midnight.” The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied….
“But you already own her home!”
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CEO’s Impossible Interview Question Stumps Everyone
A high end and very well known business wants to hire a new accountant.
But everybody who went in for an interview got rejected. People with 30+ years in the industry were turned away like they were morons. The reputation of this job started to spread, and caught the attention of a kid who recently graduated college and was looking for a job in the field.
He figured he had nothing to lose, so he applied and was called into an interview with the CEO.
The CEO said “I only ask one question when looking for accountants.” The kid gulped, but nodded. After a pause, the CEO asked:
“What’s 1+1?”
Confused, the kid thought about the question for a bit, then smiled and answered “it’s whatever you want it to be.”
“You got the job,” the CEO replied.
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Mattresses Prefer Overweight People
Why do mattresses prefer overweight people?
They leave a big impression.
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Virgin Bride’s Three Failed Marriages Explained
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, “Please promise to be gentle,… I am still a virgin.”
The startled groom says “How can that be? You’ve been married 3 times before.”
The bride responds… “Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.”
“My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.”
“And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was……………..God I miss him!”
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Medium and Rare
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Best Invention Since Sliced Bread
A good, sharp knife has got to be the best invention since sliced bread.
