Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Don’t Worry, It’s Just the Drums!

    The Drums, the Drums!

    Two intrepid explorers are navigating up a remote river in Africa with the assistance of some native bearers.

    The first night, around the fire, the sound of drums can be heard in the distance. The explorers are clearly discomfited by the sound, but the natives tell them to relax—it’s not a big deal.

    The following night, the drums can be heard again, only much closer and louder. The explorers think this can’t be good and are visibly shaken. Again, the bearers tell them to calm down, that the drums are harmless.

    The third night, the drums are louder still, and the explorers are barely keeping it together. Suddenly…the drums stop.

    Now it is the bearers who are quaking, trembling in terror. When the explorers ask them the reason for this, the leader says, in a quavering voice,

    “Very bad! When drums stop, bass solo begins!”

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  • A slipper

    What do you call a shoe made from a banana?

    A slipper.

  • Is the bar tender here?

    A termite walks into a pub and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

  • You got a drink named Steve?

    A grasshopper walks into a bar.

    The bartender tells him, “You know, we have a drink named after you.”

    The grasshopper answers, “You got a drink named Steve?”

  • A gardener hoes his beets

    What’s the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

    A gardener hoes his beets.

  • The thesaurus throat

    I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.

    I’ve got the thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

  • Parrot Knows the Trick of the Cruise!

    There was this magician of some repute who was hired to do his act aboard a cruise ship.

    He had been there for several years, and since the crowd was continually changing, he did the same act over and over. He enjoyed the good life in this sense, spending most of his time out on the promenade deck working on his tan, not new tricks.

    One day, the captain bought a parrot and, over the months, brought the parrot with him to see the nightly magic show.

    Being a smart parrot, the bird learned all the tricks—where the cards, flower, etc. were hidden by the magician in his act.

    The bird would say, “The card is up his left sleeve, the flower is under the pot, he hid the money under his shoe…”

    Because the parrot would only take about a week to catch on to his magic tricks, the magician was forced to continually learn new ones, which was getting harder and harder by the day, and really cramping his “sun time.”

    To put it mildly, he hated the darn parrot, but since it was the captain’s, he couldn’t do anything about it.

    Late one night, the engine room exploded and the ship sank within minutes. Miraculously, the magician found himself clinging to a timber, floating in the water surrounded by darkness. Alas, he was the only one left alive!

    As the sun came up the next morning and he turned around, what should be sitting 20 feet away on the opposite end of the log—his arch-nemesis, the parrot!

    They glared at each other and said nothing. This went on for three days, and neither said a word, just glared.

    On the fourth day, the parrot finally broke the silence and said, “Okay! I give up. What did you do with the ship?”

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  • Light blue

    What’s blue and weighs very little?

    Light blue.

  • He was gladiator

    What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

    Nothing. He was gladiator.

  • A meth head actor

    What do you call an actor who’s addicted to meth?

    A meth-head actor.