LOOK, EITHER WE FUCKN
OR I’M FUCKN
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
My grandpa used to brag that he can hold his breath for 5 minutes
My grandpa used to brag that he can hold his breath for 5 minutes,
It’s been 2 hours, He’s the real deal.
-
When the school shooter decides to spare your life
when the school shooter decides to spare your life, but you have tourette syndrome and call him pussy 3 times
-
What’s the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
What’s the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded in the first place.
-
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like showering without Jerry Sandusky
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like showering without Jerry Sandusky
-
I Fucking Loved That Cat
My Chinese neighbours had waffles for breakfast.
Bastards I fucking loved that cat.
-
Fifty Bucks Is Fifty Bucks
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”
Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 bucks — and 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”
Esther replied, “Morris, that helicopter is 50 bucks — and 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s 50 bucks.”
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”
Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know — 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
-
Fresh Dig Marks
Whenever I hear of a person missing from my neighborhood, I start digging holes in my yard. Nothing freaks out the cops more than fresh dig marks.
-
Priests at a Police Checkpoint
Two priests are driving down the highway and they come across a police checkpoint. They roll the window down as the officer walks up to the car.
The officer leans into the car window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment then turn back to the officer and say, “We’ll do it.”
