Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Spilled the Beans

    I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

    They really didn’t like it when I spilled the beans.

  • Keep Dreaming Buddy

    Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”

    Which was super nice and unexpected of him.

  • Absolute Game Changer

    I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

    Absolute game changer.

  • Haven’t Heard From Him Since

    Another friend recently quit his job to pursue a career to be a mime.

    I haven’t heard from him since.

  • A Nasty Habit

    I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.

    She had a nasty habit.

  • His Career Is Now in Ruins

    I have a friend who quit his job to pursue his dream in archaeology.

    His career is now in ruins.

  • It’s Perfectly Normal

    When my daughters were much younger, I tried to explain to them that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

    But they still make fun of me.

  • You’ve Got a Friend in Me

    The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:

    You’ve got a friend IN ME.

  • Your Dad Was Better at It

    Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.

    When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”

  • Soup or Ahi Frozen Fish Sticks

    What did Mary Poppins like for dinner?

    Soup or ahi frozen fish sticks, ex peas, all delicious.