A man walked into a bar one day and saw an obese lady dancing on the table.
He walked over to her and said, “Those are some nice legs.”
She said to him, “You think so?”
He said, “Yes, because most table legs would have collapsed by now.”
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Results in Heaven
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:
“This is Heaven, and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”
-
It’s Up a Fairway
A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.
“I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”
-
I Just Looked Next to the Potatoes
I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”
I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”
