Tone: irreverent

Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • February Used to Have 31 Days

    February Used to Have 31 Days

    February used to have 31 days and then 3 of them got stolen. That’s when it was named Black History Month.

  • Airplane Forced To Make Emergency Landing

    Airplane Forced To Make Emergency Landing

    Roses are red,
    Clouds make me sad

    The purple sock

    Airplane Forced To Make Emergency Landing Because Woman’s Crotch Smelled So Bad

  • Marriage Not as Good as Predator, Say Men

    Marriage Not as Good as Predator, Say Men

    Marriage not as good as ‘Predator’, say men

    MARRYING a woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.

    A poll of husbands for Bride magazine found that 80% rated the Schwarzenegger epic had higher levels of excitement and intellectual stimulation than a lifetime commitment to some woman.

  • Should Have Used a Diamond™

    Should Have Used a Diamond™

    SHOULD HAVE USED A DIAMOND™

    The new DIAMOND DM1855-E hydraulic nail gun. Now with extended seven year warranty.

    DIAMOND POWER TOOLS

  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

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  • Kicking ass in the America’s Cup

    A life-size Noah’s Ark is open to the public. I’m not sure if I believe the story about the ark kicking ass in the America’s Cup yacht races.

  • The Rooster and the Peacock

    On Easter morning, a rooster wakes up and notices brightly colored eggs scattered all around the chicken coop and yard.

    He looks at the hens nesting, thinks for a minute, then runs across the barnyard and beats the shit out of the peacock.

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  • Don’t let Kevin Bacon die

    Ever since Johnny Cash died, we’ve had no cash. Ever since Steve Jobs died, we’ve had no jobs. Please God, don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

  • All the digging

    What’s the worst thing about having sex in a cemetery?

    All the digging.

  • Little Johnny Explains What a Gnome Is

    A teacher asks her class, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say something like ‘asshole.’

    So she calls on Suzy, who says, “Apple.”

    “Very good!” says the teacher. “Now… who can tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say ‘bastard’ or ‘bitch.’

    So she calls on Stephen instead, and Stephen says, “Balloon.”

    This continues until they get to the letter G.

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says to herself, I can’t think of a swear word that starts with G.

    So she calls on Johnny.

    “Gnome,” says Johnny.

    Very surprised, the teacher says, “That’s excellent, Johnny! It does start with G, which is silent. Johnny, do you know what a gnome is?”

    “Yeah,” says Johnny. “It’s the little shit who lives in my garden and fucks fairies.”

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