People may think of whoopee cushions as an old joke, but then they probably haven’t experienced the hilarity to be found at a quiet, crowded library.
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Four Types of Orgasms Explained Hilariously
John: you know there are four types of orgasms?
Jim: no what are they?
John: There’s the POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, RELIGIOUS and FAKE.
The positive goes oh yes! oh yes!.
The negative goes oh no! oh no!
The religious goes oh God! oh God!
And the fake one goes OH JIM! OH JIM!. -
500 Votes Per Boob
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
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A Dildo in the Dark
A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says: “Honey, how could you do this! All this time you’ve never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!”
The husband says: “OK, I’ll explain, but first you have to explain the kids.”
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X-Ray to X-Rated
If I were to ever get X-ray vision, I expect it would last about ten seconds before becoming X-rated vision.
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Mr. Insurance Duck
I’m confused by those ads where a duck is trying to sell people disability insurance by quacking, “AFLAC!” at them. If instead he just yelled, “Duck!” I bet most debilitating injuries could be avoided altogether. I’m on to your scam, Mr. Insurance Duck!
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Energizer Bunny Dies From Backwards Battery Mishap
I’m saddened to announce the passing of The Energizer Bunny.
AP August 22, 1996 – The Energizer Bunny, known best for “going and going and going…” passed away last evening at 12:42am. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming…
Foul play has not been ruled out.
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She Farted and Flew Out the Window
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blowup” dolls instead.
She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned… how was it for you?”
The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.”
The first man asked, “How’s that?”
“Well,” said the second man, “when I nibbled on her breast… she farted and flew out the window!”
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Weekend at Tut’s
When a pharaoh died, I bet the servants tried all sorts of tricks to make people think he was just sleeping, because of the tradition of burying the servants alive with the pharaoh to serve him in the afterlife. Kind of a whole “Weekend at Tut’s” thing.
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Dentist Appointment Comeback
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
