Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A man got on the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde woman.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he looks at her and says, “It’s golf balls.”
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she empathetically asks, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
I went to the zoo last week. The first exhibit was a ciabatta, the second a baguette, and the third a brioche.
They were all bread in captivity.
I was the best man at my brother’s wedding in Paris. At the reception, I raised my champagne glass and said, “Eggs, cinnamon, bread, and maple syrup…”
It was a French toast.
A couple were on their honeymoon.
Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband:
“I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” says the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she says.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time.
When they finish he’s tired and beat.
He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole.”
A man and a woman meet in a bar, fall madly in love, and decide to get married a week later.
After the ceremony, the man looks to his new bride, and says, “I have a confession to make. I am completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe the game, it’s my obsession, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”
The woman looks at her new husband and says, “Honey, I could never hate you. But, I also have a confession to make. I’m a hooker, and hope you won’t hate me for it, either.”
The man gets a rather tortured look on his face, rubs his chin, and after a few long moments says, “Ok, well, show me your stance.”
The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from…
…except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
