Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, “I want her home before midnight.” The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied….
“But you already own her home!”
If I were god, I’d wait till the seventh day and try to do it all that evening, but then I’d probably get sidetracked when I invented Comedy Central and I’d have to ask for an extension on the eighth day. And if I didn’t get it, who cares? I’m god!
A grandfather went to visit his college-age grandson at the dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his son was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway.
In my day, grumbled Gramps, we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes.
But grandpa, replied the grandson, that is a whore’s shoe.
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”
His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”
“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.
“Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”
Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.
Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.
“Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”
“I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”
Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s enigmatic remark ‘Good luck, Mr. Gorsky’ during the Apollo mission has puzzled many for years.
When asked about it decades later, Armstrong finally revealed the story behind his mysterious words.
As a kid, Armstrong was playing baseball in his backyard when a fly ball landed near his neighbor’s window.
The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he overheard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at her husband, ‘Oral sex? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’
