Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • German Car Parts Get Hilariously Mistranslated Names

    When the German language doesn’t have an existing word one can sometimes assemble a new one from bits they already have. Therefore non-british people who speak english should pronounce the german phonetically.

    INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
    BONNET Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
    EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
    SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
    CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
    PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
    LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
    ESTATE CAR Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
    PARKING METER Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
    WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
    POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
    GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
    FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
    BREATHALYSER Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
    REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
    SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
    HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
    EXHAUST FUMES Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
    HIGHWAY CODE Der Wipen fur Arsen
    FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
    TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddifuckin Dammundblast
    REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
    TYRES Flatfahrts
    BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
    JUGGERNAUT Der Fukkengratt Trukken
    ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
    NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
    GARAGE Der Hieway Robberung
    CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
    SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
    DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken und Krunchen.

  • Chevy and Toyota’s Unfortunate Bathroom Breakthrough

    Did you hear that Chevy and Toyota will be working together to build a car at the old Chevette factory?

    The new sportscar will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

    It will be called . . . the Toy-a-let.

  • Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR PUSSY

    “And Lots of Other Stuff Cat Owners Should Know

    APC

    3715 APC200

    MADE IN USA

  • I Feel Grate

    I Feel Grate

    I KNOW ITS CHEESY

    BUT I FEEL GRATE

  • E Afraid of W

    E Afraid of W

    Why was E afraid of W?

    Why?

    Because White

  • Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Quilt In a Day®

    Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Eleanor Burns

    Quilt In a Day!

    ’78 ’03 25th Anniversary

  • Sea Mine Pun

    Sea Mine Pun

    You thought other puns were bad? Just wait until you sea mine.

  • How to Keep a Healthy Level of Sanity at Work

    Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

    Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

    Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”

    Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

    “Hi-lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.

    While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in “Palmolive.”

    Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

    Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

    Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

    Insist that your e-mail address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com”

    Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

    Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a coworker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

    Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.

    Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

    Determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”

    Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

    For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.

    Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts, etc. in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was none… just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that.”

  • You Gotta Fax Your Ass to Corporate

    This one is supposed to be a true story, told by a co-worker.

    Any of you have those square electronic keys you press against a pad to open the building door? I worked at a relatively high-security building which had electronic locks. A thick plastic card pressed against the door pad unlocks the door so you can enter. Most of us guys kept the card in our back pocket and just pressed our ass against the pad to unlock the door.

    A temporary worker was hired and we were surprised (and happy) to find that it was a young woman. Her first few days went by and one of us always happened to be nearby when she wanted in. I walked up one day and caught her rubbing her ass against the door pad — which didn’t unlock the door, since she didn’t have a card.

    As I pressed my butt against the pad to let us both in, I told her, “You gotta fax your ass to corporate before you can get in this way.”

  • Consequences of Anal Sex

    Consequences of Anal Sex

    “I warned you about the consequences of all that anal sex in the 60s!”