I’ve been training my dog to fetch tools from my workbench.
He isn’t perfect, but he knows the drill.
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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French Fries
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
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Moo-spaper
How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moo-spaper.
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Strongest Days
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
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Violins
Did you know that the string section of an orchestra is the most dangerous?
It’s because of all the violins.
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Eaton / Dayton
I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.
Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.
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The Doctor’s Clinic
A doctor couldn’t get hired at the hospital, so he opened his own clinic.
Outside, he hung a sign:
TREATMENT: $20
IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU — YOU GET $100 BACKA lawyer saw the sign and thought, “I’ll make some easy money.”
He walked in.
Lawyer: “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, bottle No. 14 — three drops on his tongue.”
The lawyer sputters, “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Great — your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
Irritated, the lawyer returned a few days later.
Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Bottle No. 14 again — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Hey! That’s kerosene! You gave me that last time!”
Doctor: “Perfect — your memory is back. That’ll be $20.”
Fuming, the lawyer came back one more time.
Lawyer: “My eyesight is terrible. I can’t see a thing.”
Doctor: “I’m afraid we can’t help with that. Here — take this $100.”
The lawyer looks at the bill.
“Hey… this is only $20!”
Doctor: “And just like that… your eyesight is restored. That’ll be $20.”
