I had a neighbor who was a barber, but he doesn’t cut hair any longer.
He cuts it shorter.
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Shorter Cuts: A Barber’s New Approach
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How’d you get the black eye?
Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both sporting black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says, “So, how’d you get the black eye?”
The other man replies, “Well, it was a Freudian slip.”
“What’s that?” the first asks.
“It’s when you mean to say one thing, but you accidentally say another that reveals what you’re really thinking,” explains the second.
The first man nods. “Oh. So what happened?”
“Well,” says the second, “I was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the counter had the biggest boobs I’d ever seen. So when I meant to say ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said ‘two pickets to Tittsburgh’—hence the black eye.”
The first guy laughs and says, “That’s funny, something similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and I meant to say ‘could you pass the jam,’ but I accidentally said, ‘you ruined my life, you stupid bitch!’” -
From Chicken to Commitment: A Love Story
Five years ago I started a game of Gay Chicken with my friend.
Now we own a dog together, we moved to Vermont to start a cute little bed and breakfast, and we’re thinking of adopting a kid. If he doesn’t give up soon, I think he might actually be gay. -
Size Matters: Love, Laughter, and Wardrobe Woes
You know how your girlfriend is getting fat?
She fits your wife’s clothes. -
Listening: The Key to Conversation Survival!
My wife screamed: ‘You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?’
What a weird way to start a conversation! -
Unremovable Bra: The Ultimate Booby Trap!
What do you call a bra that you can’t take off?
A booby trap. -
An EpiPen Legacy: Love Beyond Allergies
I inherited an EpiPen from my grandfather. He wanted me to get it. That was his dying wish.
Weird, I know, I’m not even allergic.
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Changing a flat tire
A guy’s on the side of the highway changing a flat.
A patrol car pulls up. The officer steps out and says, “Sir, we received a report of an emergency…”Before he can finish, another cruiser comes flying up from behind, speeding in the same direction. It slams on the brakes and skids in behind the first car. The second officer jumps out, a little out of breath. He takes one look around and says, “Oh… I thought…”
Suddenly, from the opposite side of the highway, a third cruiser whips a U-turn across the median, sirens blaring, and screeches to a stop.
The third officer jumps out and runs up. “Are there any left?”
The first two silently point at the spare tire. The third officer squints at it.
“We really need better descriptions from dispatch, this is not what I would call a donut emergency”
