I tried making Grandpa’s funeral fun by having him dressed in a clown suit. Nobody appreciated it, though. Was it his oversized shoes, his flower that squirted water at the mourners, or my constantly beeping that big, irresistible red nose that caused such a disturbance?
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I have a very mild form of bulimia.
I have a very mild form of bulimia. After a big meal, I often sneak off by myself and intentionally drool a lot.
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After the ear-piercing shrieking, curse-laden insults and vicious personal attack, I
After the ear-piercing shrieking, curse-laden insults and vicious personal attack, I realized too late that I had mistakenly ordered a Harpy Meal.
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What I like best about being a dad is no longer being the initial suspect when the room
What I like best about being a dad is no longer being the initial suspect when the room smells like poo.
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Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition.
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
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What a bargain this invisible fencing is.
What a bargain this invisible fencing is. It even came with an invisible dog!
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I’m in a group that does Cold War reenactments.
I’m in a group that does Cold War reenactments. It’s pretty easy — all you have to do is sit around and look worried about the USSR.
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For me, the best part of waking up is knowing I can afford to go to Starbucks and not
For me, the best part of waking up is knowing I can afford to go to Starbucks and not have to drink that Folgers crap.
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Prediction for 2010: The states of New York and New Jersey will merge and be called New
Prediction for 2010: The states of New York and New Jersey will merge and be called New Jerk.
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I wish they’d taught abstinence back when I was in school.
I wish they’d taught abstinence back when I was in school. I was so good at not getting laid back then, I would have screwed up the grading curve for the rest of the class.
