Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon which all faiths and creeds around the world can agree: There are serious and obvious flaws in all religions except their own.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Women can be so damned picky.
Women can be so damned picky. How was I supposed to know the chocolate hearts she wanted for Valentine’s Day were 100% chocolate and not just chocolate-filled *actual* hearts?
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The first 30 years of my life, I was intense and results-driven.
The first 30 years of my life, I was intense and results-driven. In my current 30, I am more circumspect and purpose-driven. I suppose my next 30 will likely find me arthritic and Rascal-driven.
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Einstein said, “God doesn’t play dice with the universe.”
Einstein said, “God doesn’t play dice with the universe.” It’s true — he’s too smart and knows the house odds are just too high. He mostly sticks with Blackjack and Baccarat.
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The most tragic part of J.D.
The most tragic part of J.D. Salinger’s passing is that disaffected curmudgeons now no longer have someone at whom they can point and say, “Well, at least I’m not *that* much of a dick.”
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Oh, come on — I can’t possibly be the only person ever expelled from Farmville for
Oh, come on — I can’t possibly be the only person ever expelled from Farmville for playing with sheep in *that* way.
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I think a cool reality cross-over show would be “Survivor: Biggest Loser.”
I think a cool reality cross-over show would be “Survivor: Biggest Loser.” Sure, you might tire of the intensified complaining as there would be no trainers or structured workouts to keep the overweight contestant occupied, but things would really heat up by day 10 when they start killing each other for food.
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At this point Pope John Paul II’s beatification looks pretty much assured — barring
At this point Pope John Paul II’s beatification looks pretty much assured — barring allegations of steroid use, of course.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. When God farts, he opens two windows, for the cross-ventilation effect.
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If I ever have a daughter, I won’t let her play with Barbie dolls because I think they
If I ever have a daughter, I won’t let her play with Barbie dolls because I think they create unrealistic body images for girls. In the real world, what are the odds that a young girl will ever grow up to be only eleven and a half inches tall?
