Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”
Johnny’s father replied, “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”
Topic: family
Family jokes, awkward relatives, domestic chaos, and bloodline-based nonsense from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Are You Going to Tell Her Daddy
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper.
His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, “That’s it! No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, “No butter for you for one month!”
Early that evening, Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.
Johnny’s mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, “Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?”
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I Am Sorry Youre So Ugly
Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess: “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”
His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!”, she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologise to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”
Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said: “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly”
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Disney Or Jerry Springer
When someone asks about your family and you’re trying to decide if you should tell them the Disney or Jerry Springer version.
Crystallowerycomedy on fb
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Family Racist
SADLY LEARNED MY FAMILY WAS RACIST. I DATED A BLACK GIRL AND BROUGHT HER HOME TO MEET THE THEM.
MY WIFE AND KIDS WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER.
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All I Smell Is Molasses
A mole family was living in their mole hole: a daddy mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They were just about to eat dinner when an overpowering smell wafted down the hole.
The daddy mole rushes to the entrance and says, “Mmmm, I smell strawberries!”
Momma mole runs beside him and says, “Ohhh, I smell blueberries!”
Baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but is stuck behind them, and says, “All I smell is molasses!”
