I saw a bumper sticker that said: “Don’t Let This Car Fool You, My Real Treasure Is In Heaven.” I’m sorry, but if heaven is even better than a 1998 Ford Escort, I’m going to have to seriously reconsider this whole atheism thing.
Topic: humor
Humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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If God really just wants to walk beside me, why doesn’t He ever pay the cover charge
If God really just wants to walk beside me, why doesn’t He ever pay the cover charge when we go clubbing?
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I decided to beat the retail stores at their own game by putting up *my* Christmas
I decided to beat the retail stores at their own game by putting up *my* Christmas decorations before this Halloween. And for those of you who may point out that some stores already have their holiday displays out, well note that I’m putting up mine in preparation for *next* year. Ha!
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It’s tough being dyslexic.
It’s tough being dyslexic. Every time *I* masturbate, a kitten kills God!
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I suffer from pre-traumatic stress disorder.
I suffer from pre-traumatic stress disorder. I don’t know what’s going to happen, or even when something traumatic will happen, but you can bet your ass I’ll be screaming and crying hours before it goes down.
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There’s nothing more embarrassing than strolling into the office humming “It’s a
There’s nothing more embarrassing than strolling into the office humming “It’s a Hap-Hap-Happy Day,” then hearing the hushed whispers of co-workers and realizing it’s only a hap-happy day.
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To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the
To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the audience naked. Though it initially seemed to work, I soon realized it was replaced with a new phobia: the fear of getting wood in front of my co-workers during a staff meeting.
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I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a
I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a bunch of Chicago voters to the polls yesterday, but now I can’t get the dead corpse smell out of my minivan.
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I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors.
I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors. The first blade lifts the hair. The second one cuts the hair. The third blade cuts it again! The fourth blade is a sneaky bastard who waits for the hair to relax and then cuts it again! Then the fifth blade goes to the hair’s house and beats the crap out of its mother.
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If the weight-laden deck-swabbing or the tricep- burning mainsail pulls don’t do me in,
If the weight-laden deck-swabbing or the tricep- burning mainsail pulls don’t do me in, surely the high-step-cardio plank-marching is going to make me regret signing up for this Pirates class.
