All children eventually realize how grateful they are to their parents — usually when their parents are dead and they’ve started wondering when their own children are ever going to start feeling grateful toward THEM.
Topic: humor
Humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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I am no longer using a personal trainer.
I am no longer using a personal trainer. If I’m going to pay that much for someone to hurt me, I want a ball gag and a safe word.
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I KNEW it was too good to be true when I thought I heard the captain say he needed
I KNEW it was too good to be true when I thought I heard the captain say he needed volunteers to man the whores.
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I can find something beautiful about anyone.
I can find something beautiful about anyone. There’s beauty in strength, in perseverance, in overcoming adversity, but I’ve always found the most beauty in someone who is really, really, really pretty.
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I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die.
I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die. That’s how Johnny Cash got caught.
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The sad aging of my rock ‘n’ roll heroes can be summed up in three words: Moobs like
The sad aging of my rock ‘n’ roll heroes can be summed up in three words: Moobs like Jagger’s.
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My mother loves Valentine’s Day because it’s the only day of the year when she doesn’t
My mother loves Valentine’s Day because it’s the only day of the year when she doesn’t have to remind me what a lonely, pathetic loser I am.
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If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy
If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy with a plaque in it reading: “This Spaceship Intentionally Left Blank.” Whoever found it would realize that since we Earthlings would go that friggin’ far for a pun, we’d go oh-so much farther to punish someone for stealing our water or whales or what have you.
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Being a dull boy makes Jack consent to an all work/no play situation in the first place.
Being a dull boy makes Jack consent to an all work/no play situation in the first place.
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There is no greater hate in the universe than that between a couple who builds IKEA
There is no greater hate in the universe than that between a couple who builds IKEA furniture together.
