Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.
Topic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
-
Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never
Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never take the damn thing OUT of my mouth.
-
There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the
There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the same time lamenting the deeds of my past and wondering what punishment I might have to suffer in the future. Alas, such is the paradox of my religion, the Karma Sutra.
-
Money can’t buy happiness. Except the kind of happiness that can
Money can’t buy happiness. Except the kind of happiness that can be found with multiple orgasms brought on by well-made vibrators.
-
I’ll stop masturbating when they pry my cock from my cold dead
I’ll stop masturbating when they pry my cock from my cold dead hands. Or vice versa. (John “Schmitty” )Schmidt I love online sex. It gives me the chance to play the sex kitten, coming on to guys and driving them into frenzies
-
Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first
Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first tells you there’s “absolutely no way” she’ll do anal, then sees your penis and says, “Oh, with THAT? Sure. No problem.”
-
Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw
Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw the stickshift condom, yet he still gave me a ticket for reckless driving, too.
-
I’ll bet Superman was an amazing fuck. Well, except for that
I’ll bet Superman was an amazing fuck. Well, except for that faster-than-a-speeding-bullet part.
-
Ever notice that the root word of “penis” is “pen”? It makes
Ever notice that the root word of “penis” is “pen”? It makes sense when you think about it. Sometimes you really have to grip it hard and make a lot of tight little circles to get the ink flowing.
-
Titty fucking: fun to say, and even more fun to do
Titty fucking: fun to say, and even more fun to do!
