Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Talk About The Guy On A Bicycle

    Talk About The Guy On A Bicycle

  • A Royal Flush Beats a Pair

    Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.

    They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.

    “I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.

    The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.

    Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re two of God’s most perfect creations and I’m sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

    The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.

    Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.

    The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”

    Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”

    The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • We Don’t Serve Food Here

    A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink…

    The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

  • Couldnt Walk for a Year

    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room…

    The first kid asks, “What are you in here for?”

    The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

    The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

    The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

    And the second kid says, “Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born and couldn’t walk for a year.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • It Was an Estimate

    Bob the Builder walks up to a girl in a nightclub and says, “I have an 8 inch dick, and I can shag all night!”

    After a few drinks, she takes Bob home with her.

    The next morning, she says, “You said you had an 8 inch dick and could last all night! Instead, you have a 5 inch dick and lasted three minutes!”

    Bob replies, “I’m a builder, love. It was an estimate.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • On Our Honeymoon

    I was looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess and smoking a roll up.

    Then she cocked her leg and let out a massive fart.

    “You are a mess and I’m disgusted with you,” I said.

    “I’m still the woman you love and married,” she said. “Sometimes we all let ourselves go a bit.”

    “We’re on our fuckin honeymoon,” I replied…

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • First Class Isnt Going to Sydney

    A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, walks into first class, and sits down.

    The flight attendant sees this and asks to check her ticket. She explains that the passenger paid for economy and will need to return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde passenger in first class who belongs in economy and refuses to move.

    The co-pilot goes back and tries to explain, but the blonde just repeats, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    Frustrated, the co-pilot tells the pilot they may need to have police waiting when they land.

    The pilot says, “You said she’s blonde? I’ve got this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

    He walks back, leans down, and whispers something in her ear.

    The blonde immediately says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” gets up, and returns to her seat in economy.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed. “What did you say to her?”

    The pilot smiles and says, “I told her first class isn’t going to Sydney.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • At 49 a Drink

    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is stunned, but he shrugs and makes the drink.

    When he brings it over, the gorilla hands him a $50 bill.

    Now the bartender is really amazed. A gorilla walked in, ordered a martini, and actually paid for it.

    At the register he pauses and thinks, let’s see if the gorilla notices anything.

    So he comes back and gives the gorilla $1 in change.

    The gorilla just sits there quietly sipping his martini.

    After a few minutes the bartender can’t take it anymore and says, “You know… we don’t get many gorillas in here.”

    The gorilla takes another sip and replies, “At $49 a drink, I’m surprised you get any customers at all.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Phallic Symbol

    Me: “It’s a phallic symbol.”

    Blonde Secretary in the office: “Ooh! I’d hate to tell you what it looks like!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail