Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Catholic Dog

    A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time.

    The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying, “Father, my dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?”

    Father Patrick told the farmer, “No, we can’t have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll tell you what, there’s a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal.”

    Muldoon said, “I’ll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?”

    Father Patrick replied, “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Larry and the Divine Light Switch

    A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.

    The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

    Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

    “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

    “Bonnie…” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

    “Oh for Pete’s sake!” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The MIT Engineer’s Salary Negotiation

    At the end of a job interview, the head of human resources asks the young engineer fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you looking for?”

    The engineer decides to shoot for the moon. “I’m thinking in the range of $125,000 a year or so, depending on the benefits package.”

    “Hmm,” says the interviewer. “Well, what would you say to five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a retirement fund with company matching to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every two years — say, a Porsche?”

    The engineer gasps and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

    “Yeah,” replies the interviewer, “but you started it.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Helpful Teacher at the Racetrack

    Two elementary school teachers took their students to a racetrack.

    During a bathroom break, one of the teachers took the boys to the restroom. Outside, one of the boys yelled, “Ma’am, we can’t reach the urinals!”

    Out of options, the teacher went inside and lifted the boys up one by one. When she picked up the fourth boy, she was shocked to see he was incredibly well-endowed for an elementary schooler.

    Trying to act natural, she smiled and guessed, “Wow, you must be in third grade, right?”

    The guy looked confused and replied, “No, ma’am… I’m the jockey riding the favorite in the next race. Thanks for the lift, though.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Pulled Over for Swerving

    The police pulled me over last night and said, “Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?”

    I said, “I’ve had eight drinks, officer.”

    The officer replied, “Sir, that’s no excuse to let your wife drive.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Wedding Night Request

    A Chinese immigrant couple just got married.

    On their wedding night, the groom decided to ask his bride what she wanted to do first.

    She thought about it, then excitedly said, “69! I wanna try 69!”

    Groom: “You want chicken with broccoli?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Wheelbarrow Bet

    A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

    After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

    “You’re on, old man,” the young man replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

    The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Confessions After the Ceremony

    A man and a woman meet in a bar, fall madly in love, and decide to get married a week later.

    After the ceremony, the man looks to his new bride, and says, “I have a confession to make. I am completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe the game, it’s my obsession, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”

    The woman looks at her new husband and says, “Honey, I could never hate you. But, I also have a confession to make. I’m a hooker, and hope you won’t hate me for it, either.”

    The man gets a rather tortured look on his face, rubs his chin, and after a few long moments says, “Ok, well, show me your stance.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Penfish Is Even Mightier

    The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from…

    …except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.