Delivery Style: deadpan

Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Failed Sex Ed

    Bobby and Jack got their report cards from school and found they failed sex ed…

    Bobby told Jack, “I’m so angry, I want to kick Ms. Williams in the nuts!”

  • I Think It’s Nuts

    The instructor in my self-defense class said that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

    Personally, I think it’s nuts.

  • Spilled the Beans

    I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

    They really didn’t like it when I spilled the beans.

  • Well I’m Here Now

    A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”

  • Absolute Game Changer

    I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

    Absolute game changer.

  • A Nasty Habit

    I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.

    She had a nasty habit.

  • It’s Perfectly Normal

    When my daughters were much younger, I tried to explain to them that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

    But they still make fun of me.

  • Your Dad Was Better at It

    Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.

    When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”

  • Perfect for Fixing a Hot Dog

    Did you know that if your dog is running a fever, you’re supposed to give them ketchup?

    Apparently it’s perfect for fixing a hot dog!

  • The Genie, the Pianist, and the Million Ducks

    A guy walks into a bar carrying a briefcase and an old brass lamp.

    He sits down and sets both on the bar.

    The bartender pours him a drink and asks, “What’s in the briefcase?”

    The man opens it to reveal a tiny man sitting at a piano, playing beautifully.

    “Where on earth did you get that?” the bartender asks.

    The man points to the lamp. “A genie. He granted me a wish.”

    “No way,” says the bartender. “Can I try?”

    “Be my guest.”

    The bartender rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

    “What is your wish?” asks the genie.

    The bartender thinks for a moment and says, “I want a million bucks!”

    The genie claps his hands.

    Instantly, the bar is filled with a million ducks.

    Ducks are everywhere. On the tables, behind the bar, hanging from the light fixtures.

    The bartender stares in disbelief.

    “What’s wrong with this genie?” he shouts. “He must be hard of hearing!”

    The man takes a sip of his drink and says, “You think? Do you really believe I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

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