Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Quick Finish Line: Newlywed Expectations Crash

    The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover!”

    The husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”

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  • Bob Peters’ Unfortunate Barbershop Visit

    A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, “Bob Peters here?”

    The barber replied, “Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts.”

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  • Dad’s Mechanical Secretary Problem

    A young boy asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”

    “Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother.

    The young boy answered “The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.”

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  • Woman Asks Doctor to Change Vibrator Batteries

    A woman gets her vibrator stuck inside her. She goes to the doctor to remove it and the Dr. says “it’s too far up there, I can’t reach it enough to pull it out”.

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    The woman then replies “if you can’t get it out, can you at least reach it well enough to change the batteries?”

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  • Native American Escort Outprices Historical Real Estate Deal

    A guy visiting Arizona wants to get some.

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    He finds a pretty escort of Native American origin.

    **Girl**: My fee is three hundred dollars.

    **Guy**: Whaaaat? Your forefathers only wanted twenty-four bucks for the whole of Manhattan Island!

    **Girl**: True enough… but Manhattan Island just lies there.

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  • She Missed the Point Entirely

    A young lady goes to her professor and says “Sir, I know I’m failing this course, but I really need to pass it, and I’m prepared to do anything to see that I do!”

    The professor says, “So, would you-”

    “Yes!”

    “-be prepared to-”

    “YES!!”

    “…study?”

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  • Zodiac Dinosaur

    Zodiac Dinosaur

    SO… WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

    DINOSAUR

    BUT THAT ONE DOESN’T EVEN EXIST

    NONE OF THEM EXIST

  • John’s Terrible Choice at the Farmer’s Market

    A truck driver named John was in court after a horrific accident where he drove his truck through a crowded farmer’s market, claiming fifty lives.

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    The courtroom was silent as the prosecutor approached the stand, looking John dead in the eye.

    The prosecutor said, “John, we have the tire tracks. We have the witness testimony. You were driving down a straight road. To your left, there was a lone man fixing a flat tire. To your right, there was a crowded market with fifty people. You steered directly into the crowd. How do you explain yourself?”

    Wiping his brow and looking distressed, John replied, “It was a nightmare, sir. I was coming down the hill when my brakes completely gave out. I was flying! I had a split second to make a choice.”

    The prosecutor asked, “And you chose to hit fifty people instead of one man?”

    John exclaimed, “No! Of course not! I’m not a monster. I aimed for that one guy!”

    The prosecutor, now even more confused, shouted, “Then how did you end up plowing through the entire market and killing fifty people?”

    John sighed heavily and answered, “Well, just as I was about to hit him… the jerk started running toward the crowd!”

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  • Johnny’s Surgery Gets Out of Hand

    “Doctors and Nurses”

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    A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her ten-year-old daughter.

    Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”

    “Never mind sex” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”

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  • Gay Hide and Seek Goes Hilariously Wrong

    Two gay guys are in their apartment. The first guy says, “Let’s play hide and go seek. If you find me, I’ll blow you.”

    The second guys says, “What if I can’t find you?”

    And the first guy says, “I’ll be behind the piano.”

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