A ninety-five-year-old man was asked, “Do you still call your wife ‘darling,’ ‘sweetie,’ or ‘honey’ at this age? What’s the secret?”
He said, “It’s been ten years. I’ve forgotten her name, and I feel scared to ask now.”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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When Poetry Fails: Johnny’s Unique Strategy
Little Johnny was in school and his English teacher had the students write short poems.
When everyone was done, she asked the students to read them for the class.
Little Jeremy: “I took a walk down by the lake and there I saw a long brown snake.”
Very good Jeremy!
Little Susie: “My oh my! I looked to the sky, and there I saw a butterfly.”
Very good Susie!
Little Johnny: “I couldn’t think of one.”
Teacher. “You go out in the hall and let me know once you do!”
Little Johnny goes and sits in the hall. He’s looking around and figures one out.
He jestures to the teacher who comes and asks him what his poem is.
“As I sat out in the hall, a big cockroach ran up the wall.”
The teacher wasn’t pleased, because she knew Johnny just loved slipping in curse words, but said “Ok, but leave cock out of it.”
Little Johnny comes back in front of the class and reads his poem:
“As I sat out in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall. With his cock out!”
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Blessing with a Side of Cursing!
An old religious woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot. Everything is fine until she brings it home. It begins to swear uncontrollably: “F this, F that, F you,” and finally the lady can stand it no more.
She grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door shut. Squawking, shrieking, pounding, and cursing come out of the freezer for a few moments, and then it goes quiet.
The woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer. The parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman’s outstretched hand. He looks into the lady’s eyes and says, “Ma’am, I am truly sorry if my language offended you, and it will not recur. If I may ask, what did the chicken do?”
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Buzz Off: A Businessman’s Bee Dilemma!
A businessman wants to buy a farmhouse.
After discussing the price and coming to common ground on the terms, they shake hands, and the property is practically sold.
As they do a final walkthrough of the land, the businessman notices a beehive on the property and says, “Please, this needs to be removed—or take them with you. They could sting; it’s dangerous.”
The farmer answers, “They’ve never stung me once since they’ve been here. I’ve never had any problems with them. I understand that you’re afraid, though, so let’s do it like this: I’ll tie you to this tree right here and leave you here butt naked overnight. If any bee stings you, I’ll give you my property for free.”
They agree on those terms and shake hands again.
The next morning, the farmer checks on the businessman and finds him all dried up, skinny, pale, eyes rolled back, and barely holding himself up.
The farmer is shocked at the sight and says, “I want to apologize. This was a terrible idea. They never stung me or anyone who ever came by. Tell me, how many stung you?”
The businessman, barely speaking, says, “None… but tell me, does that calf of yours not have a mother?”
