Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Too Weak Notice
I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
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My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine
My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”
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Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon
The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon
12. “Doesn’t it seem strange to be doing this? I mean, without a keyboard in front of you?”
11. “So, I hear you’re looking for a colossal jerk.”
10. “Excuse me — I could use a hand over here.”
9. “Doubles, anyone?”
8. “So what time do you get off?”
7. “This reminds me of Hands Across America. Only slimier.”
6. “Are you finished with that?”
5. “Good choice! The SuperSchlong 6000 was a Consumer Reports Best Buy.”
4. “This is just a microcosm of life… oh, sorry about that — I’m waxing philosophical.”
3. “Hello, handsome! I will be your father figure….”
2. “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”
1. “Can you help me out? I’m blind — and extremely confused right now.”
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Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg
Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?
A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!
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Two Kinds of Booty
It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.
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Preferred Seating on the Short Bus
On my resume, should I be bold and include “Proven Methodology of Obtaining and Retaining Preferred Seating on the Short Bus” as an achievement? Or should I just list it with my other superpowers?
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Alone When Doing Number Two
The old song says, “One is the loneliest number you could ever do.” I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone when I’m doing number two.
