They say if you have positive thoughts about something, it will happen. Well, I’ve been thinking positively about my neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter, but so far, no luck. I think maybe my wife’s negative thoughts are interfering.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Jokes About Unemployed People
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.
-
Drug Dealer vs. Hooker
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
-
Stuck Up Cunts
What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.
They’re stuck up cunts.
-
How Do You Get a Gay to Fuck a Woman
How do you get a gay to fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.
-
Carrots Are Good for Your Memory
Carrots are good for your memory.
Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.
-
A Blonde Doing a Handstand
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath!
-
Stephen King Has a Son Named Joe
Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
-
500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
-
The Clapper and the Mime
Does the Clapper still turn the lights on if a mime is doing the clapping?
