Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Y2KY Jelly

    The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant.

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    In the light of this they have now renamed it as: Y2KY Jelly.

    Said a spokesman: “The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two.”

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  • How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

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    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M&M.

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

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  • Monopoly One Company

    Monopoly One Company

  • My Step Ladder

    I have a step ladder.

    I lost my real ladder at a young age.

  • Too Weak Notice

    I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

    I just handed in my too weak notice.

  • My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine

    My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”

  • Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon

    The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon

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    12. “Doesn’t it seem strange to be doing this? I mean, without a keyboard in front of you?”

    11. “So, I hear you’re looking for a colossal jerk.”

    10. “Excuse me — I could use a hand over here.”

    9. “Doubles, anyone?”

    8. “So what time do you get off?”

    7. “This reminds me of Hands Across America. Only slimier.”

    6. “Are you finished with that?”

    5. “Good choice! The SuperSchlong 6000 was a Consumer Reports Best Buy.”

    4. “This is just a microcosm of life… oh, sorry about that — I’m waxing philosophical.”

    3. “Hello, handsome! I will be your father figure….”

    2. “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

    1. “Can you help me out? I’m blind — and extremely confused right now.”

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  • No Math at All

    All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.

  • Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg

    Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?

    A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!

  • Two Kinds of Booty

    It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.