All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg
Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?
A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!
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Two Kinds of Booty
It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.
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Preferred Seating on the Short Bus
On my resume, should I be bold and include “Proven Methodology of Obtaining and Retaining Preferred Seating on the Short Bus” as an achievement? Or should I just list it with my other superpowers?
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Alone When Doing Number Two
The old song says, “One is the loneliest number you could ever do.” I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone when I’m doing number two.
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Positive Thoughts
They say if you have positive thoughts about something, it will happen. Well, I’ve been thinking positively about my neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter, but so far, no luck. I think maybe my wife’s negative thoughts are interfering.
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Jokes About Unemployed People
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.
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Drug Dealer vs. Hooker
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
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Stuck Up Cunts
What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.
They’re stuck up cunts.
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How Do You Get a Gay to Fuck a Woman
How do you get a gay to fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.
