Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Deluxe Magic Hat

    My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.

  • X-Ray to X-Rated

    If I were to ever get X-ray vision, I expect it would last about ten seconds before becoming X-rated vision.

  • Two-Hit Obscurity

    The only music groups more obscure than the one-hit wonders were those unfortunate enough to have only two hits, thereby keeping them out of any category worth remembering.

  • Arrest a Mime

    If I were a cop, I’d look for an excuse to arrest a mime just so I could tell them they had the right to remain silent.

  • Take Something for My Kleptomania

    I thought about trying to take something for my kleptomania, but that sort of defeats the purpose, then, doesn’t it?

  • Teach a Man to Fish

    Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he becomes a lazy SOB who never works because he’s “gone fishin’!” Thanks a lot, genius!

  • Scientists Can Clone Sheep

    I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.

  • $50 Every Time

    My current girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. Then again, so would I if I got $50 every time I did it.