Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Hitting the Bottle Again

    After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.

  • One Lemon

    If life gives you a lemon, just throw it away, because I tried making lemonade, and let me tell you: One lemon doesn’t give you a lot of great tasting lemonade, buddy.

  • Stationery Bike

    To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.

  • Glass Houses

    Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.

  • The Honesty’s Too Much

    Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much — ’cause you’ve put on quite a few pounds, there, baby.

  • External Combustion Engine

    I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.

  • Folgers Crystals for the Blood Bank

    I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.

  • Selling Me a Bridge

    My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.

  • Where Did the Creator of The Jetsons Go

    Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I can’t help but wonder, “Where did the creator of ‘The Jetsons’ go, and why hasn’t he done something about this?”