Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Arrest a Mime

    If I were a cop, I’d look for an excuse to arrest a mime just so I could tell them they had the right to remain silent.

  • Take Something for My Kleptomania

    I thought about trying to take something for my kleptomania, but that sort of defeats the purpose, then, doesn’t it?

  • Teach a Man to Fish

    Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he becomes a lazy SOB who never works because he’s “gone fishin’!” Thanks a lot, genius!

  • Scientists Can Clone Sheep

    I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.

  • $50 Every Time

    My current girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. Then again, so would I if I got $50 every time I did it.

  • Number One

    Last night, my girlfriend told me that I’m her “number one.” That’s just great: Not only does she see another man, but I’m more numb than he is.

  • Dogs Chase Cars

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

  • If At First You Don’t Succeed

    If at first you don’t succeed, blackmail everyone who saw you fail. Unless what you failed at is blackmail — then you’ll have to go straight to murder.

  • Caviar and a Blowjob

    What’s the difference between caviar and a blowjob?

    No difference — you don’t get either of them at home!

  • Miced Onions

    It’s a good idea to pay close attention to the recipe when you cook. That way you won’t spend a whole day looking for miced onions.