Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Dismayed

    Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.

    I’m dismayed.

  • Lemons Painted Like Hand Grenades

    When life gives you lemons, paint them up like hand grenades and hijack a plane to Cuba.

  • The Truth About Santa Claus

    I think, deep down inside, little children want to be told the truth about Santa Claus. Why else would they stand in line for an hour just to sit on my lap?

  • Dirty Riddles and Cheeky One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M;&M.;

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

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  • His Parking Space

    I’d imagine that one thing worse than finding out Osama Bin Laden is still alive would be him coming back to work to find that you’ve been using his parking space all this time.

  • Pig Latin Poet

    One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet is that it’s pretty easy to come up with rhymes.

  • Ohio Owes Buddy Holly an Apology

    If Ohio is the birthplace of both aviation and rock and roll, I’d say they owe that Buddy Holly fella an apology.

  • The Eggnog Alibi

    I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.

  • Epiphany

    I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

  • The Mystery of Missing Female Keebler Elves

    It’s occurred to me in the last few days, after listening to and seeing all of the Keebler commercials, just why there’s never any female elves pictured. Then it came to me: They’re all fudge-packers.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos
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