Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Call the Exterminator

    Sometimes I look outside my window and think, “Those people look like ants from here.” But then I realize I live on the first floor, and I really need to call the exterminator.

  • Free Psychic Reading

    When I responded to an ad for a free psychic reading, she told me I was the type of person who wants something for nothing. How could she possibly know that?

  • Except a Crippling Illness

    Whatever doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. Except a crippling illness that leaves me comatose and on a respirator, that is.

  • Giant Robotic Parrot

    If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that my idea for melting down coins to make a giant robotic parrot was a bad idea, I would have one kickass giant robotic parrot.

  • Aging and Facial Hair

    When I was in my twenties, not shaving for a few days gave me a cool Don Johnson/Miami Vice look. Now that I’m in my forties, though, it tends to make me look more like Otis from Mayberry.

  • This Little Piggy

    You’d think that at some point the little piggy that went to market might swing by the pharmacy and pick up something for the one with the uncontrollable bladder.

  • Renaissance Faire Riot

    A riot broke out at the local Renaissance Faire. Things got pretty ugly, but luckily the authorities intervened before anyone could start luting.

  • You Can’t Milk a Cow for 2,000 Years

    Draft only — do not auto-publish.

    Content note: religion-targeted insult humor. Review before publishing.

    What’s the difference between a cow and a crucifixion?

    You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

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