If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits, I’d stick them on my tits. I’ll bet they’d make *awesome* pasties.
Format: one-liner
One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Word to the wise: When a longtime friend confesses his
Word to the wise: When a longtime friend confesses his scatological fetish to you, it is NOT appropriate to respond by saying, “I don’t give a shit.”
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Whenever I help my boyfriend get off by letting him watch me
Whenever I help my boyfriend get off by letting him watch me masturbate, after he thanks me I like to say, “Happy to lend a helping finger!”
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If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a
If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a penis butter and jelly sandwich, at least tell them you’d prefer they used creamy, not chunky.
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(Jilly G.) The best thing about a threesome is that if you do
(Jilly G.) The best thing about a threesome is that if you do something TRULY spectacular, you’ll have two witnesses there to corroborate your story.
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Apparently, to my husband “Happy Valentine’s Day” means “Yes!
Apparently, to my husband “Happy Valentine’s Day” means “Yes! I’m finally getting anal!”
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I thought I had a great name for my new line of vaginal pasties,
I thought I had a great name for my new line of vaginal pasties, but apparently “lipstick” is already taken.
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People think I’m some sort of sexual superhero. But I put on my
People think I’m some sort of sexual superhero. But I put on my latex barbed-wired crotchless panties one leg at a time, just like everyone else.
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“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy
“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy little thing called love.” Wow, Freddie Mercury must’ve been a terrible fuck.
