Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • You never leave fingerprints behind

    The only thing I like about winter is that you wear gloves so much you never leave fingerprints behind.

  • Instead of a Zamboni

    If minor league hockey teams really want to rope in the fans, they should use a chick in a bikini with a flamethrower instead of a Zamboni.

  • Stars in my eyes

    The worst part about falling asleep in my Campbell’s chicken soup is waking up with stars in my eyes.

  • My family finding that

    If I die right now, my last Google search will be “carry testicles in milk crate,” so I look forward to my family finding that.

  • Other words and phrases

    I bought a pen that can write under water…
    It can also write other words and phrases.

  • I had to put my foot down

    My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
    I had to put my foot down.

  • Neurosurgeon Girlfriend

    I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.

  • The Sax

    I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

    The sax is too good.

  • Cold Calls

    Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.

    I’m getting sick of these cold calls.