Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • It means a lot to you

    To all my Spanish-speaking friends out there, I just want to say “mucho”…
    …because I know it means a lot to you.

  • Law School

    It turns out law school is a lot like elementary school. They assign you a locker, you meet new friends, and pulling the cute redhead’s pigtails still isn’t as good an idea as you think it is.

  • Just a shot in the dark

    I was trying to get romantic with the new nurse at my doctor’s office, so I asked her to dim the lights before she gave me the tetanus booster.
    I guess it was just a shot in the dark.

  • That guy from You’re So Vain

    You know, someone should introduce that woman from “Killing Me Softly,” who thinks the guy is singing about her, to that guy from “You’re So Vain.”

  • Al Roker

    Should NBC be concerned? They keep getting communications that affect the weather from some rogue terrorist group called “Al Roker.”

  • You never leave fingerprints behind

    The only thing I like about winter is that you wear gloves so much you never leave fingerprints behind.

  • Instead of a Zamboni

    If minor league hockey teams really want to rope in the fans, they should use a chick in a bikini with a flamethrower instead of a Zamboni.

  • Stars in my eyes

    The worst part about falling asleep in my Campbell’s chicken soup is waking up with stars in my eyes.

  • My family finding that

    If I die right now, my last Google search will be “carry testicles in milk crate,” so I look forward to my family finding that.