Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Other words and phrases

    I bought a pen that can write under water…
    It can also write other words and phrases.

  • I had to put my foot down

    My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
    I had to put my foot down.

  • Neurosurgeon Girlfriend

    I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.

  • The Sax

    I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

    The sax is too good.

  • Cold Calls

    Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.

    I’m getting sick of these cold calls.

  • Eclipse Colander

    I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.

    I tried it, but it strained my eyes.

  • The Sting Operation

    Did you guys hear about the worldwide sting operation on people who mix drinks?

    Many of them are behind bars right now.

  • Bulldozer

    My wife is learning how to operate a bulldozer.

    I’m not going to stand in her way.

  • Helen Keller’s Swing Set

    Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set?

    You didn’t know? Neither did she.

  • Make Up Sex

    They say make-up sex is the best, which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.