Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • He gave me a blank stair

    When I told my contractor that I didn’t want any carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.

  • I turned a few heads

    I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
    I turned a few heads.

  • An escasooner

    What’s faster than an escalator?

    An escasooner.

  • All of the seats were already taken

    Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs’ conference.
    Needless to say, all of the seats were already taken.

  • All the digging

    What’s the worst thing about having sex in a cemetery?

    All the digging.

  • She gave me permission

    My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.

    I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.

  • I stand corrected

    I thought physical therapy was a big scam until I finally went to one for my lower back.

    I stand corrected.

  • It will still be stationary

    It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.

  • Stop pretending that I cared

    My wife stopped pretending to have orgasms years ago. That’s all right with me, though, because it allowed me to stop pretending that I cared.