Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • I wouldn’t have to pay so much

    The zoo should be open 24 hours a day. That way, when I’m drunk at 3 a.m. and feel like seeing a monkey, I wouldn’t have to pay so much.

  • You don’t get any bigger than that

    If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!

  • Inspect Her Gadget

    I’m starting a vibrator repair service.
    I’m calling it “Inspect Her Gadget.”

  • Before and After Marriage

    Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

    After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.

  • The impotent couldn’t come

    We recently opened a shelter for the poor, needy, and the impotent.

    The poor and needy showed up, but the impotent couldn’t come.

  • CB Lingo 201

    I would think the hardest part of truck-driving school is CB Lingo 201. You know, the second year, where everything you say in class has to be in CB.

  • Came out of the closet

    While the police are wrongly referring to it as an aborted attempt to rob a convenience store, I couldn’t be prouder that I finally came out of the closet with my pantyhose fetish.

  • Check it off my list

    If I ever get arrested for bouncing down my street naked on a pogo stick with a peacock feather in my ass, well, there’s something else I can check off my list of things to do before I die.

  • A brick under the hood

    Every time I lock my keys in the car, I’m thankful I had the uncommon foresight to keep a brick stashed under the hood.