My wife yelled from upstairs and asked: “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied: “No.”
She responded: “How about now?”
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Master Key and the Bad Lock
A woman said, “If I sleep with 3 men, I’m labeled EASY.
But when a man sleeps with 10 women everyone calls him a real man. How come?”
A Chinese man replied, “It’s very simple.
Confucius say, when one lock can be opened by three different keys, it’s a bad lock!
But when one key can open 10 different locks, we call it a master key!”
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Haven’t Heard From Him Since
Another friend recently quit his job to pursue a career to be a mime.
I haven’t heard from him since.
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Johnny’s Inventory
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
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Order in the Court
A judge addresses the wobbly defendant standing in front of him. “Sir, you’ve been brought before me for drinking.”
“Fantastic,” says the defendant. “Let’s get started!”
All present in the court burst out laughing.
Annoyed, the judge bangs his gavel and says, “Order! Order!”
And the defendant says, “All right… I’ll have a whiskey and soda.”
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A Nasty Habit
I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.
She had a nasty habit.
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Daddy Longlegs in Texas
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly, she stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over and saw she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then picked up one foot and stomped them flat.
“Well,” she said, “that might be okay in California and Massachusetts, but we’re not having any of that crap here in Texas!”
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The Blonde and the Insemination Man
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, as he heads out to check on the cows, the rancher says:
“The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows. I drove a nail into the 2×4 above the stall of the cow I want bred. Please show him where she is when he gets here.”
The rancher leaves for the fields.
A while later, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the door.
“I’m here to inseminate the cow,” he says.
Amy leads him down to the barn and walks along the row of cows. When she sees the nail, she says, “This is the one right here.”
The man smirks, assuming he’s dealing with a clueless blonde.
“Tell me,” he says, “how do you know that’s the right cow?”
“That’s simple,” she replies. “By the nail that’s over its stall,” she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man asks, “And what exactly is the nail for?”
Amy turns to leave and says over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”
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The Murphy Twins at the Pub
Two Irishmen sitting in a pub in Dublin.
One turns to the other and asks, “Here… do I know you?”
The second replies, “I was about to ask you the same thing! What school did you go to?”
The first man replies, “I went to St. Brendan’s from 1954 until 1960.”
The second man’s eyes widen with surprise. “So did I! I was in class 2!”
The first man chimes up, “I was in class 2 as well! What part of Dublin are you from?”
The second man says, “I lived at 16 Foley Street my whole life.”
The first man excitedly replies, “What are the chances of that? I lived at number 16 Foley Street!”
And all the while, the poor barman thinks to himself, “I hate it when the Murphy twins get drunk.”
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The Irish Man and the Beer at the Bar
An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him…
The Chinese man takes a drink, and the Irish man says to him, “Do you know Kung Fu?”
The Chinese man says, “Why, because I’m Chinese? That’s just racist!”
The Irish man says, “No, I ask because you’re drinking my beer.”
