Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Adult Toy Shop and the Checkered Thermos

    The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.

    “The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.

    The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.

    Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.

    Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”

    Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.

    “How much are those toys?”

    “The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”

    “Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”

    Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”

    “SOLD! I’ll take it!”

    An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.

    “It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”

  • The Insurance Money and the Granite Countertops

    We now have the technology to build a new penis…

    Doctor Cohen comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

    The man, Max, groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1,000 an inch.”

    The man perks up. So, the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

    Max agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day. “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

    “Yes I have,” says Max. “We’re getting granite counter tops.”

  • The Clean-Shaven Man and the Beard

    A facially clean-shaven man asks his wife to try something naughty in the bedroom.

    The horny couple dash upstairs…

    “Get undressed and do a headstand by the full-length mirror.”

    His wife excitedly complies…

    The man rests his chin between her legs and starts umming and arring…

    “What are you doing???” she asks, still excited….

    “Well, I wanted to see what I looked like with a beard!”

  • Little Johnny at the Horse Auction

    Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his father. He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.

    After a few minutes Johnny asks, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

    His father says, “I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy one.”

    Worried, Johnny says, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom.”

  • The Farmer’s New Cock

    A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmer’s 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock screws all 150 hens again.

    The next day it’s fucking the ducks and geese too. Later he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead with vultures circling overhead.

    The farmer says, “You deserved it, you horny bastard!” The cock opens one eye, points up, and says, “Shhhhhh. They’re about to land!!”

  • Spell Way

    A husband got home early from work. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, sat in his favorite recliner and put the TV on a game!

    His wife got home late from work! She immediately started dinner, the laundry and vacuuming!

    As she walked by, her husband grabbed her hand and asked, “What are the chances of me getting laid tonight?”

    She said, “Spell way!”

    He replied, “W-A-Y!”

    She said, “You forgot the F.”

    He said, “There is no F in way!”

    His wife replied, “Exactly!”

  • The Barber and the Mother-in-Law

    A man gets a haircut, and the barber keeps asking, “So… how’s your mother-in-law these days?”

    The man replies, “She’s fine.”

    A few minutes later, the barber asks again, “And your mother-in-law? How’s she doing?”

    The man starts getting irritated.

    “I just told you she’s fine! Why do you keep asking about her?”

    The barber grins and says, “Oh, it’s not because I care. Every time I mention your mother-in-law, your hair stands straight up, and that makes it much easier for me to cut.”

  • Putin’s Driver and the Pig

    Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

    Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled.

    “What happened to you?” asked Putin.

    “Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box of cigars and their 19 year old and 21 year old daughters made mad passionate love to me simultaneously.”

    “My God, what did you tell them?” asks Putin.

    The driver replies, “I’m president Putin’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

  • The Ex-Wife and the Coffee Catch-Up

    A man bumps into his ex-wife after not talking for many years, and they decide to grab a coffee together and catch up.

    “So,” says the man, “I heard you got remarried.”

    “That’s right,” she says.

    The man smirks. “And how does he like your sorry excuse for cooking?”

    “Oh, he likes it just fine,” she says.

    “And how does he like your god-awful blowjobs?”

    “Oh, he likes them just fine,” she says.

    “Yeah? And how does he like that tired, worn-out old pussy?”

    “Oh, he likes it just fine,” she says. “Once he gets past the tired, worn-out part.”

  • Bring Your Child to Work Day

    I took my eight-year-old girl to the office with me on Bring Your Child to Work Day.

    As we walked around the office, she starting crying, so I asked her what was wrong.

    As my colleagues gathered round, she sobbed: “But Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”