My wife told me she wanted to play doctor
I told her to take off all her clothes and lay down on the bed.
I went and played golf while she waited for me to get back.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Hard Disk
Last night, my friends and I went to a geek strip club called “The Hard Disk.” Lame, you say? What if I told you they only charged $20 for a laptop dance?
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Small World
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through (which is proper golf etiquette).
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small world.”
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How Many Men Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Four — one to actually change it and three friends to brag to about how he screwed it.
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So Is the Red Haired Schoolteacher
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night.
“Well, we’re a mite crowded, since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher.”
“Look,” said the tourist, “I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”
“Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher.”
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The Difference Between Men and Women in One Paragraph
The difference between men and women in one paragraph:
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells: “PIG!!”
The man immediately leans out his window and replies “BITCH.”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
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Dumb Men Jokes Volume 3
How do you get a man to do situps?
Glue the TV remote between his ankles…What kind of clothes are there?
Women: clean & dirty
Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazard. (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes.)Why do Black Widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about was legs, breasts and thighs…How is being at the singles bar different from being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk…What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting they are finished until next time…What do men have in common with toilet bowls, anniversaries, and clitorises?
They miss them all.What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.What’s the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.I went to the County Fair. They had one of those “Believe it or not?” shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don’t know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it’ll stay.Did you hear about the banker who’s a great lover?
He knows first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep from grazing.Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends!Did you hear the one about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.Why do men like masturbation?
It’s sex with someone they love.What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs don’t you?What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard. -
The Female Brain Is Used
A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you’d like. The man’s brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman’s brain costs $30,000.00.”
The patient could not help but ask, “Why such a large difference between the male and female brain?”
The doctor replied, “The female brain is used.”
