I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Joke Type: bait and switch
Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Three Tons of Hair Stolen from Wig Factory
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.
Police are combing the area.
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The Country Boy’s Three-Leg Riddle
A cocky lawyer tells a country boy, “If you can’t answer my question, you owe me $5. If I can’t answer yours, I owe you $5,000.”
The boy asks: “What has three legs going up a hill, but five legs coming down?”
The lawyer searches the internet for an hour, gives up, and hands the boy $5,000.
“Alright,” the lawyer snaps, “so what is it?”
The boy silently hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
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Patrick With Them Two Arseholes
Patrick died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.”
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, “Nope, it ain’t Patrick.”
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Patrick.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Sean said, “Well, Patrick had two arseholes.”
“What? He had two arseholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Patrick with them two arseholes…’”
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Not Her Father
At a wedding last weekend, I leaned over to the person beside me and whispered, “Wow… the bride isn’t exactly easy on the eyes.”
They turned to me and said, “Excuse me? That’s my daughter!”
I quickly replied, “I’m so sorry… I didn’t realize you were her father.”
“I’m not her father, you idiot,” they snapped. “I’m her mother!”
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Everywhere I Touch
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no,” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
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My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her.
My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her.
I wonder what she’s up to?
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Cameron Diaz Colonoscopy
Doctor: You need to get a colonoscopy
Me: What’s that?
Doctor: It’s a… -
Can I Come Over
I was in Walmart using the restroom when, just as I closed the stall door, a voice from the next stall said:
“Hey! How’s it going over there?”
Embarrassed, I replied, “Not bad, thanks.”
The voice asked, “Cool. What are you up to?”
I said, “Umm… just trying to take care of a little private business over here.”
Then the voice asked, “Alright. Can I come over?”
Shocked, I replied, “Excuse me?!”
Then I heard, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. Some idiot in the next stall keeps answering all my questions.”
I stayed in the stall until he left.
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It’s a Boy
It was 10 years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting, “It’s a boy!” with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
