A beautiful woman walks into a doctor’s office. The doctor tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?”
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: dialogue
Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A Request For A Raise
An employee asks his boss for a raise, explaining that four companies are after him.
The boss agrees to a ten percent raise and extra vacation time, then asks which companies are after him.
The employee replies, “The Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company, and the Mortgage Company!”
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The Air Freshener
A car is swerving all over the road. It cuts across the centerline, whips back to the shoulder, and then back into its lane, until a cop pulls it over.
The driver is a blonde. She explains that she keeps seeing a tree in the road and has to swerve to avoid it.
She points ahead and says, “See, look, officer. There’s another tree in the road.”
The officer looks through the windshield and says, “Ma’am, that’s not a tree. That’s your air freshener.”
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A Radio Conversation At Sea
Actual transcript of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
U.S. Ship: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.”
Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.”
U.S. Ship: “This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”
Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”
U.S. Ship: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE.”
Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”
